Sick to my stomach… All because of too much stress….
Everyday I am left feeling scatter-brained due to way to many thoughts running through my head at any point in time. One minute I may worry about our pile of bills, credit cards and how we will pay them off, then the next I am reminded of all the stuff taking up space in the house that needs to go on eBay. The thoughts of eBay then bounce me back to worrying about bills, then the fear of the stability of my job, which I need in order to keep paying the bills since we cannot survive on hubby’s salary alone. This sends me on a mission to work on my online business, only to get distracted yet again by bills, money and life in general.
As of recent, concerns about my 18-year-old step daughter has been added to the mix. Fresh out of high school she had dreams of a job in the medical field, but I fear that her dreams will never become a reality. She thinks that her world is coming to an end, but at only 18, she has been sheltered from life, and has no real clue as to what a tough life really is. She hears her mom complain about money, but probably has no clue as to how much mom pays for rent, and other bills that give her a roof over her head and food to eat. On many an occasion we have offered to take her in, in hopes of getting her on the right path, but no matter how much she may hate her current situation, she’s doesn’t seem ready to change. She knows that I care about her and want whats best for her, but I honestly don’t think she realizes how much. She doesn’t realize how much her words and actions hurt because I want desperately to be able to protect her from making bad choices, but she instead thinks that everyone in the world just wants to see her screw up.
This is my life. This is the part of me that very few, if any people know because I have gotten so good at putting on the mask to hide the anger, pain, fear, and worry. There are days that I become so overwhelmed with life in general that it makes me feel like I’m suffering from depression, but it’s just the constant stress in my life. One minute I feel like I am ready to burst into tears, then the next I find myself on a mission to get a task done. It has gotten to the point that I feel like I am no longer the same person I once was, the person I was when my husband and I first met and I fear that this change is due to stress caused by a lack of money. I have bouts of physical body aches, heartburn, no appetite, and an overall feeling of just being “off”. It’s not worth a trip to the doctor because all they will do is prescribe me any number of “puppy uppers” in an attempt to stop the anxious thoughts and worries which cause the stress.
My husband tells me we can only do the best we can and not to worry so much and I wish it was that simple. I want to not worry about our bills but somehow I still find myself worrying. And it is that worry that causes me to split myself in so many different directions at any given point in time. I guess that may be why I try so hard to protect my step daughter from the bad things in life. Regardless of what she thinks, she still has a lot of growing up to do and is not ready to deal the stresses that I face on a daily basis. I just wish I could get her to realize that.
Sorry about all your stress. You’re right it makes it worse to take pills. Have you thought of some exercises? Probably no time, uh. Maybe just a little walk?
Don’t you hate unsolicited advice?